Why? (written 10/12/2014)

While discussing our upcoming Camino with friends over dinner last night, the question came up – Why? Why are you doing this? I would like to think I deferred the initial response to my wife out of politeness, but in reality it was because I couldn’t answer the question. And, it turns out neither could she. We just stood there, open mouthed and with confused eyes, and nothing really came out. We mumbled something to the lines of “a little bit of everything”, and quickly moved on to the next conversation topic.


The question haunts me. It’s 5 a.m. the morning after that dinner, and I’ve been awake for the last two hours pondering this question and that specific social interaction. Thoughts have been rushing around in my mind for these last couple contemplative hours, and I knew that if I wished to make sense of it, I had to write it down. So begins my Camino Journal.


It’s a very logical beginning to this journal. I’d like to think it’s serendipitous. I hope to think it’s inspired by Him.


Him. God. Heavenly father. Creator of heaven and earth.


The Camino de Santiago de Compostela, commonly referred to as Camino de Santiago, or more commonly, The Camino, is The Way of St James. It is an ancient pilgrimage route that has been traveled by pilgrims (peregrinos in Spanish) since the middle ages. It is comprised of 12 different major routes, but all routes and roads ultimately terminate in Santiago de Compostela, a city on the Western edge of Spain in which it is believed that the remains of St James reside. Pilgrims walked this path as penance and forgiveness of sins. Stamps from churches and hostels (albergues) are collected on the pilgrim’s passport (credencial). Upon arrival in Santiago, this credencial is presented to church officials, and if the stamps prove you walked at least the last 100 kilometers, you are issued a Compostela, a certificate of accomplishment. Penance is considered paid. Forgiveness is granted.


In light of the Camino’s original and primary purpose, to walk this path for reasons other than those of piety sounds wrong. It sounds fake. To walk this holy path to see the Spanish countryside, to have a cheap European vacation, and to challenge ourselves physically seems borderline sacrilegious. I guess that’s why the question haunts me. Perhaps that’s why I sit here typing this out hours before dawn. There is no “perhaps”. That’s exactly why. I am not walking this for purely religious reasons. I am not Catholic. I do not believe in the forgiveness of sins through certain church-sanctioned acts. But, I know I’m not just walking it for the pure enjoyment of the experience.


The thing is: I don’t know why I’m walking the Camino. I would like to have a perfectly cultivated response to this seemingly simple question of “Why?” because that’s what I do. I perfectly cultivate responses. Image. Reputation. We all do it to one extent or another. But, I’m a master at it. I am a master at being cultivated. “Fake” may be a bit harsh. But, I am certainly a master at being deliberate.


What I do know is that I hope. I hope to find the reasons behind this long walk, this journey, this pilgrimage. I hope to be less cultivated and deliberate. I hope to be closer to Him. I hope.


My Camino begins.